Pinot Noir is a pain in the arse.
Small tight little bunches.
Thin Skin = susceptible to fungal disease, bunch rot, skins splitting.
Thin Skin = Sometimes leads to a crap colour.
Needs a cold climate.
Sentitive to light.
Sensitive to everything (needy).
Loves air. Loves it so much it will Over Dose on air during fermentation (addictive personality).
Dies younger than average than other varieties.
Pinot Noir has a complex and will easily suffer a crisis. How can such a soft, delicate and subtle wine have such robust, fruit -forward intentions? Try-Hard.
Why do the French use it in Champagne? Because they can harvest it green before it becomes too much of a pain in the arse.
Genetically unstable: Pinot Noir likes to mutate. Even it doesn’t like who it is, so it tries to change itself. Pinot Noir sometimes pulls a Michael Jackson and “swaps” to producing a white grape. Pinot Blanc and Pinot Gris are thought to be Pinot Noir mutations. But it doesn’t even mutate whole heartedly – sometimes its only a point mutation where only one cane produces white fruit and the other canes bear red fruit. Weird.
Only one thing more painful in the arse than Pinot Noir, is Sideways.